Presence or presents?

I remember when a friend of mine visited a small town south of Tucson and related to us his experience of visiting an historical church that was built in the early 1900’s down there. He said that when he entered this particular church he was struck with the presence of the Spirit. The words he used to describe it were “thick” and “tangible.”

Many of us can relate to that feeling and perhaps have visited such a place ourselves. It is almost as if all the prayers spoken there, all the hymns and holy songs sung, and all the incense burned and ancient rituals performed had lodged themselves in the DNA of the building itself. It seems to me that it would take a lot of time and effort to bring about this spiritual condition of a church building. Perhaps the environment had been cultivated for so long and so deliberately that angels themselves had taken up residence there.

I have felt this presence many times in my life. Sometimes, as above, it is ingrained in buildings or holy places. Sometimes it is found in nature. The ancient Celts used to call certain Holy sites around Ireland “thin places” where the veil between Heaven and earth seemed to be much thinner than normal and Heaven much closer. Sometimes an event such as a powerful prayer meeting or worship gathering can bring such a powerful presence that all around can feel it deep inside of ourselves in that “God place” we all have.

The first time I felt the real presence of the Holy Spirit was at the time I first dropped my spiritual guard and prayed out loud for a God that was, at that time unknown to me- to ultimately help me and save me from myself. The Spirit came to me at that moment in a flood and bathed me in heavenly love and spoke a name to me- “Jesus”. It was unmistakable at the time and I’ve clung to that memory as the most important moment in my life.

The second time I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit was a few weeks later when I found myself entering a church here in Tucson that I had been “led to”. I say led to, because I don’t remember anyone telling me about this church or recommending it to me beforehand. I simply found myself compelled to go to this church one Sunday. As I entered, I felt this “thick presence” and I instinctively knew what it was and where it had come from. Music was coming from a band playing and the room was filled with people freely worshipping and openly displaying their devotion to the Source of the Spirit I felt. I will never forget that moment either.

I will be bold here and state that I believe that God led me to that place in order to experience what it is to enter a church building and sense the Presence and experience that feeling when the Spirit has been called and invited to dwell among God’s people. It was as if God was telling me “see here these people who worship me and seek Me without hesitation or timidity. Where my Spirit is- there is freedom and these children of mine are freely expressing their love and need for Me.”

When I first entered that church, God touched me so deeply there was no way I was going to turn around and run out. The room and the people felt strange to me and I was experiencing something new and unusual, yet I was unafraid and soon I joined them in worship. I was drawn by the spiritual atmosphere even though my natural tendency in that situation would have been to leave. I was blessed with a supernatural boldness that led me on. I was attracted beyond my normal nature.

I try to sense these things in every church gathering I attend. If I visit a church, I enter the building and try to spend some time with my eyes closed just getting a sense of the Spirit in that place. Sometimes I feel it, and sometimes I feel nothing. Of course this is certainly not a definitive “test” of the spiritual activity in a particular church. I am simply attempting to put into practice the gift of discernment that God showed my long ago. If I don’t feel anything in a church building or gathering, it could mean nothing. But, if I feel the active and tangible presence in a particular place, it is significant to me. There is nothing more attractive to me than the presence of the Holy Spirit.

I believe that we all have the ability to sense God’s Spirit to different degrees. I also believe that we can increase our ability to feel God’s presence around and in us if we choose to pursue this ability. But it begins with experiencing it for the first time.

It is my heart’s desire that all church communities begin to seek after this Spirit and take steps to create a hospitable environment where the Spirit would take up residence in. Many churches have taken to creating an atmosphere that is worldly based in order to attract new parishioners. The trend these days is to make the church building comfortable and inviting to the “unchurched” by focusing on external atmospheric conditions. Lighting and sound, comfortable furnishings, secular music, entertaining concert-like worship sets and simple and non confrontational preaching are common tools to bring in the new flock. I understand this approach and this way of thinking. It’s difficult to trust God that He would open a person’s mind and heart when they step in to our churches for the first time, without our help.

If I had walked into a church like that back in my early Christian days, I might have stayed for the wrong reasons and for a short time as I would have quickly outgrown such a place in my hunger for the deep spiritual presence. I have come to believe that if we put as much effort into creating a place where the Holy Spirit would comfortably dwell as we do in making people feel comfortable, we would tap into the deeper spiritual self and begin to fill our church buildings! I believe that we would experience more miracles and spiritual, mental and physical healing in such a place. That is great news! The potential is limited only by our faith. I think this would be a great time we toned down the externals and built up the spiritual in our church gatherings. We can count on the Lord working in a strong Spiritual atmosphere, can we not? We can have faith that He will want to dwell in our church houses if we invite His Spirit in significant and consistent ways. If we instead, lean on our worldly understanding and utilize the world’s ways of attracting people, perhaps all we can expect is worldly fruit.

Are you building your church gathering on sand or rock? Do you trust that people will be attracted to your church based on clever ideas and planning or does your attendance rely on faith and Spirit? Do you want people to pay compliments to your music and atmosphere or do you want them to come back to your church to once again feel the presence of God in their midst? Remember, even people who are unacquainted with Christ can feel His Spirit within them. If the music is too loud and too entertaining and the atmosphere has dumbed down the Spirit, people might not be able to feel or hear God’s touch on their soul. Their spiritual senses could be overridden by the best laid plans and your church may become a revolving door.


A church with a powerful presence of God might just create “stayers” and not “comers and goers.”


That seems like a worthy goal doesn’t it?

Golden Streets and Golden Retrievers

Lola

Last month, on a Saturday evening, my wife took off with our daughter to do some shopping, leaving my son and me at home. I decided to take the dogs for our nightly walk. We have two Golden Retrievers- Sophie, who is 10 years old and mainly is my dog, and Lola, who is 2 and is more of the family dog. Sophie and I have walked almost every night since we’ve had her. That adds up to around 3,500 walks total. I’ve adequately trained her and for the most part she’s obedient. But what she excels at is predictability. I can practically tell what she’s thinking as she’s thinking it. I know her tricks and habits and personality and therefore, she has earned the right to be walked without a leash. Lola, on the other hand is much younger and not nearly as predictable. When Lisa and I walk them, Lola stays on the leash.

When I walk them alone, I can more or less control them both if they’re off leash. We walk the same route and do the same rituals and if I stay alert, I can keep them together and out of harm’s way. I have a commanding voice and I make myself hard to ignore. My mom was an obedience dog trainer when I was growing up and I remember a lot of her technique. (Some of which she used on us kids). Another reason I let them walk without leashes is that they love to work out their legs with a good run or two. If I let them sniff something and walk ahead, they will sprint to catch up and they really enjoy this. If I really feel like giving them a treat, I’ll take them to the park at night and let them run their little heads off. Goldens in full flight are magnificent.

Both dogs are truly wonderful pets. They are part of the DNA of our home. Literally. Their hair is everywhere. Lola is full of life and a very happy dog. She perks up a room when she is in full swing. She has beautiful eyes and a dark, red coat and a gorgeous tail. She almost looks like an Irish setter. She’s small for a golden, but she can run incredibly fast. We got her up in Phoenix, along with her sister, Luna. It was our intent to keep Luna, but soon after we brought them home, Luna contracted Parvo and within 2 weeks died in our arms. Heartbroken, we decided to keep Lola instead. Lola soon started showing signs of Parvo, but this time we were anticipating it and we sprang into action and began an aggressive treatment that eventually conquered the dreaded disease. Like Harry Potter, Lola was the dog “who lived.”

Lola had some great personality features. Once in awhile she would yawn loudly and the sound that came out was a wacky, guttural gargle that never failed to crack us up. When we brought her food, she was always so happy that she would do one or two spins in place before we put the bowl down. Since she was so small, we let her climb up on the couch with us. She loved it when you got down on your knees and let her put her front paws on your shoulders. It looked like you were dancing with her. Unlike Sophie, she liked to lick my face and hands. She was completely adorable and no one could imagine our world without her.

On the night in question, I got my flashlight and plastic bags ready, and since it was quiet outside, I decided to do our usual route without leashes. We stepped outside and both dogs turned to me expectantly, because one of our rituals is to start off with a sprint across the street and around the nearby corner. I ran with them, but for some unknown reason Lola didn’t run across the street with Sophie and me. Instead, she ran down the sidewalk on our side of the street. When I reached the corner with Sophie, I found I had temporarily lost Lola in the dark. Just as this happened, a car turned the corner on to our street, about 100 feet away. In this situation, when I have one dog, I instinctively run to the side of the street the dog is on, preventing the dog from running into the street. That night, I was on a corner with a car coming at me with headlights on and I had no clue where Lola was or even what side of the street she was on. I stepped into the street right in front of the truck and stood there, causing the driver to stop. My intention was to gather my dogs and get off the street. I knew the driver saw me and saw Sophie, because we were both in its headlights. Because the headlights were right next to me, I could not see any dog and had to step away from the truck to find Lola.

At that point, with me still not able to locate Lola, and with the knowledge that there were dogs and people in the street and who knows what else, the drive decided to keep going and took off at full speed., When I saw the truck take off, I instantly became frantic because now I didn’t know where any dog was. Right then, I heard a sickening thud and cry and as I spun around, I saw Lola behind the front tire of the truck. I cannot describe the shock and horror I felt at that instant. But then the truck started again and I watched the rear tire roll over my poor, innocent, sweet, overwhelmed with the reality of this terrible world we live in, Lola. I yelled “STOP” and the truck stopped. Unbelievably, Lola got up and started back to the house. I yelled at the man behind the car window that he just ran over my dog twice!- and then hurried away to find Lola.

She had made it about half way to the house and was lying on the sidewalk in obvious pain. She wasn’t making a sound, but was panting heavily. I picked her up and ran to the house, laid her on the floor and called for Aaron. While he comforted her as best as he could, I called the emergency pet hospital and within 20 minutes of the event, was sitting in the waiting room for results.

Lisa and Claire soon joined us and we were all just weeping with the deepest regret and pain.  It turned out that the initial impact probably did little damage to her, but because the driver was moving too fast to effectively avoid driving over her, her insides were squashed and messed up from the weight of the car as it drove over her. The doctor told us that she would require surgery and a week’s observation and the bill would probably be over $20,000. After, that, it would be anybody’s guess what kind of condition Lola would be in. We all tearfully agreed that we would have to say goodbye to our wonderful Lola. They let us in to the room she was in and we all wept our goodbyes to our family member that was running happily in the open air just an hour before.

People tell me that she is in a “better place” and I realize that is mostly true. But she went there way too soon. We gave each other way too much love for that vacancy to be filled easily. My family keep assuring me that it is not my fault, and I know that it is unhealthy for me to believe otherwise, but on the list of “If onlys” putting her on a leash was at the top.

My faith and the experiences in my life that bear it out, cause me to believe that in the wake of every tragedy comes new life and not a few, miracles. Good follows bad, if not in equal measure, at least in some measure. I always look for the thing to learn or the increase of wisdom and compassion that comes from tragedy.

In this case, I think that it is good thing that my kids experience tragedy on a less than human level. A dog is a dog, a person is a person. There is great value in our loving pets, but it’s not at the same level as our human brothers and sisters. I’d rather they learn to deal with the heavy blows that life can deal us on the pet level than on the human level. All of us will eventually die and we must learn to process this sort of loss and the pain in our hearts that follows. It takes patience and faith to know that the pain will become manageable and eventually mastered in the wake of tragedy. One must learn to grieve fully and completely and the wisdom to do this comes with experience. That is one of the good things that comes in the wake of tragedy.

My task in this situation is a bit more complicated. I have no one to share the feeling of guilt with- I stand alone with the lion’s share of blame. I am responsible for letting Lola out without a leash and I alone witnessed the event and I am truly struggling with the tapes that keep playing in my mind. Even when I am fully alert, my mind can take its own turn and at the end of a completely unrelated thought process, can slip in one of the tapes. Every time that happens it’s like a tiny knife pierces my heart. Imagine that happening 30 or 40 times a day. I am completely unable to control this tape playing when it pops into my thinking processes. But, what I can do is control my reaction to this potent erosion of my soul.

Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 10 that “For though we live as human beings, we do not wage war according to human standards, 10:4 for the weapons of our warfare are not human weapons, but are made powerful by God for tearing down strongholds. We tear down arguments 10:5 and every arrogant obstacle that is raised up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive to make it obey Christ”.

If you are a normal person, you struggle with “making every thought captive to make it obey Christ”. That verse stands right up there with “Pray unceasingly” and “Give thanks always and for everything.” The truth is, I don’t even attempt to make most of my thoughts captive. I am prone to letting my mind wander all over the place sometimes.

Hmm..Just like I let Lola do.

To combat this constant barrage of negative, depressing “tape-playing”, I have begun to react by instantly overriding the tapes with thoughts and affirmations of Jesus and His life and passion. When that stab of guilt interrupts my peace and shocks my heart, I respond with praise of God and words of thanksgiving. Sometimes I narrate from Job or the crucifixion story. I squash the hellish tapes with heavenly words and images. Sometimes I imagine Jesus holding me tight, and telling me “it’s okay...... it’s okay.”

It occurred to me in a more lucid moment how much more mental discipline I might have if I applied this technique in more common experiences. Don’t we all let our minds got to bad places? Don’t we all let our minds indulge themselves in less than healthy thought processes? All day we let ourselves judge each other and criticize each other. We let our lusts for food and entertainment and comfort and sex and pride and self-love override our more Godlike instincts. Until this terrible event, I don’t think I ever realized how just how undisciplined my mind really was. It is out of sheer survival that I am now learning how to bring forth healthy spirituality from unhealthy mind patterns.

“Good can come from bad”

That is God’s way. You can see it every time.

Please don’t read into this the notion that God allowed Lola to suffer so that I could gain a bit of wisdom that I badly needed. Those dots are not there to connect. I have blogged before about how impossible it is to see just exactly what God is doing from our lowly perspective. I do not know why Lola was taken from us or why it was allowed to happen. Honestly, I was angry at God for not stopping the man in the truck or guiding Lola around it. I am more at peace now and I have to confess, that it is not God’s duty to let me know what is going on in His endless mind. He works in events that have far reaching consequences in His divine plan. I am at peace knowing that God will let new life grow in the wake of this terrible event on my family’s life. We just have to look for it.

I miss Lola terribly and I fight the urge to think we were robbed of something. I am glad, however, that I am learning to hurl Heaven at Hell and watch the flames scatter and die.

Worship is Wounded (And I Helped) Part II

If worship is to be what God wants it to be (and I’m hoping that is our goal!) then who is going to show us what to do and how to do it?

John 14:15 “If you love me, you will obey my commandments. 14:16 Then I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate to be with you forever…..

…the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything…”

16:13 “But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth”

Jesus seemed to intend that a Spirit, and not necessarily a person will help us and teach us and guide us. After Jesus left this earth, the disciples hid in a room until the Spirit came and then……..everything changed. Just read the rest of the book of Acts. It’s miraculous what was accomplished when people allowed themselves to be led by the Spirit of Christ- and not their own wits and knowledge. We marvel at the courage and faithfulness that these early Christ followers uncharacteristically portrayed as they fanned the flames of Christ over an immense area in a relatively short amount of time. The Holy Spirit is a powerful motivator and ally.

However, doesn’t following the leading of something you cannot necessarily see or feel or hear sound kind of scary? After all, we place a high value in being “in control” in our culture.

Have you ever been to a service or mass where every detail has been pinned down and nothing left to chance?

Could we perhaps be afraid of losing control of our church services to the Holy Spirit? I mean, who knows what that might look like in the first place? What would we lose? What would we gain? Are we afraid of the unknown and why?

Perhaps the level of control we wield over our weekend services is indeed, based on fear and not faith. I tell you this: church leaders throughout Christian history have discovered that yielding their control to the Holy Spirit’s leadership is quite intimidating. And, understandably so.

In light of the above, when we pick our worship team members are we using the right criteria? In asking this, I understand that most church communities are small and lacking in mega-church resources. Often, all they have to rely on is a slightly-gifted musician on a middle school cafeteria stage with a hand-me-down guitar. Truly, that shouldn’t matter as long as we are attempting to use Spiritual criteria and not worldly criteria in picking our worship teams.

A related question is, are we using worldly criteria in designing our worship services themselves?

A friend of mine and I were talking about this the other day. We were discussing and comparing the merits of creating a worship service that used worldly characteristics designed to attract the unchurched- to creating a service that had deep spiritual depth. Should we be casting our net wide or casting it deep? Or should worship be used to cast any kind of net?

But, for the moment, let's look at the idea of wide or deep. Which do you think is more important? Can both be achieved? It’s possible, but in my experience, I feel that if you create an atmosphere that the Spirit can freely move in and be tangibly manifested, you may attract (even though you are not necessarily "casting") all sorts of people from all walks of life……and keep them there. Worship artist Jeremy Riddle calls it “hosting His presence.” On the contrary, if you are riding the more recent church trend of creating a weekly concert environment in order to attract, you may find yourself constantly changing and modifying your “show” in order to keep people’s attention. That can be expensive, as you find yourself constantly updating technical equipment and props on your “stage.” It can also burn up a lot of energy, as you constantly tap into the creative brains of your production team in order to fix what you feel is lacking in your worship sets. And, despite your best efforts, parishioners may still leave in order to (1) seek out a worship experience that has more depth, or (2) seek out a better “concert”.

Really ask yourself this question: When people come to your church to see and hear your wonderful concert-like worship set, are they really getting Jesus in Spirit? If we believe that all people are, on some level, really seeking God, will they find God when they enter your doors? Will they feel the deep, thick, tangible presence of the Holy Spirit that has become imbedded in the DNA of your church gathering place from hours of prayer and singing and chanting and conversing with God back and forth, from earth to Heaven and back again? Have you ever been in one of THOSE buildings?

One of the main contributing factors to this issue is that very few worship leaders differentiate between a worship band and a worship CONCERT band. This might be where a lot of our problems originate.

The difference is simple. A worship band is one which comes together each week at a church hall in order to create music which aides and inspires the community gathered to worship the creator and (hopefully) to stir up and interact with the Holy Spirit (hosting the Presence).

A worship concert band gathers to perform worship music for the same reasons that a church worship band does. However, they are also selling recordings, creating revenue and, if they are successful in these two, creating a huge fan base. The always record live albums in huge halls with highly energized fans. In order to deliver the best event possible, the environment they create is exactly the same as a highly successful rock band. I was actually in a hall during a recording of a live worship album a few years ago.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not critical of what a worship concert band does. In fact, I love attending these events. The first time I noticed the disconnect was when I attended a church service where a well known Christian rock star was also the worship leader. I had seen this artist in concert form and I wanted to now see him lead worship in his own church. It was quite disappointing from the “deep” perspective. The parishioners loved him, but the set was much more concert-like than worshipful. It really opened my eyes.

I have never been to a church that could successfully recreate the Worship Concert Experience every, or even ANY Sunday. This is the source of frustration for many a poor, misguided church worship leader.

So, back to the question: are we trying to recreate a worship concert music experience instead of creating an atmosphere of gathering that encourages participation and not just listening and singing along?

When we are ready to end our attempts at creating a rock concert every week how do we wean our flock away from the worship milk and on to the worship MEAT?

The short answer brings us back to the beginning:

“I don’t know. Ask the Holy Spirit, HE knows.”

We all know it’s not always easy to hear or feel the Spirit’s lead. If you are willing to hand over the reigns of your church’s worship you may go through periods of trial and error before you start to feel the flock aching to go deeper. The question is…

….can we handle experimentation that may lead us away from our comfort zone?

Sooo, let’s say I’m a worship leader and I don’t know where I am in this. Have I fallen for the concert trap? How do I know? Here are a few questions that may be worth asking:

What exactly is your criteria for picking music? Picking out your clothing? Styles of music?

How much attention do you pay to the appearance of the band and band setting?

What and how much spiritual preparation do you and your bands go through before you go out on the worship platform?

Do you find ourselves referring to the congregation as “the audience” or the “crowd”?

Do you find yourselves referring to the worship platform as “the stage”?

Should we even be on a “stage”?!

Do you have the heart of a shepherd?

Do you work to keep all of your egos in check, especially your own? How are you held accountable in this?

In regards to how we would prefer the congregation react to the worship portion of the weekend program, what is our biblical precedent or reference? (I’ll let you in on a secret. My favorite worship moment in the bible is Jesus’ entry in Jerusalem. We are reminded that all creation sings God’s praise and we are challenged to outworship the rocks and stones)

If you are blessed to have more than one musician in your team, are you striving to create among them a thriving community with accountability and spiritual growth? (Do not underestimate the importance of this!)

I’ve whipped through this quite quickly and there are lots of questions here, to be sure. Some may apply to your situation, or maybe all of them apply. I pray that in the asking they may lead you to some serious soul searching which in turn would lead you to a deeper worship experience with tangible Spiritual results. Remember: where the Spirit is on fire, there is freedom, healing, transformation, inspiration and no foothold for the enemy!

WE HAVE NO WHERE TO GO BUT UP!

Worship is Wounded (And I Helped) Part 1

Worship is wounded (And I helped)

When I was a scrubby little kid I dreamed of being a rock star. I would get together with my buddies and we would play air guitar and drums in our living rooms before we were big enough to own real instruments. As I got older, I would attend concerts and watch the musicians perform for adoring fans and wished that I could be just like them. And I wasn’t alone. I mean, what red-blooded kid wouldn’t want to tour with a hot band and experience that kind of fame? The rock and roll dream has been around since most of us can remember.  

I eventually learned how to play a real guitar and over a period of time able to reach a (very) moderate level of success. I’ve been blessed with the experience of playing for some medium to larger sized crowds in some modest to not-so-modest venues. My amp has tossed a few power chords out there and I’ve been able to hone in on a few hearts from time to time depending on the time and place. All in all, I’m lucky to have actually tasted a small sampling of the rock ‘n roll dream. It’s tempting, it’s inviting and it’s intoxicating. I understand.

But what does that have to do with musical worship in the contemporary church?

There has been a lot of talk lately in the larger worship community about the state of modern worship in the common church model. On one hand, we’ve managed to accomplish much in creating a worship experience that keeps the attention of a common churchgoer dealing with a steadily deteriorating attention span. We have creative light schemes and high level music with decibels to match. We’ve crafted creative songs and lyrics with a multitude of styles. Pair those things with good musicians and you might have a very compelling reason to get to church before the worship set begins.

The buzz, however, is all about the worship culture we’ve created and the problems that have emerged in it. The big question that’s being asked is: “Are we really worshiping, or are we merely entertaining? It is a great question and I’m wondering if enough leaders are really asking it about their product. If they’re not, I understand why, truly, but there is no excuse for dodging this question if we are sincere with the gifts we’ve been given. The truth is: many church pastors and church weekend participators are “satisfied” with the music they are seeing and hearing from church platforms, and the reaction that their perspective worship programs are getting.

But is God being worshipped in Spirit and in Truth? Are we musicians experiencing a sacrifice of praise or a just a display of talent? Are we leading sing-alongs or are our congregations truly pouring out their love to the creator?

From what I’ve seen and experienced in my own city and around the country, it has becoming apparent that we might have blurred the above distinctions and perhaps we may not be aware of our complicity. Perhaps the reason for this is….

….. it’s not so easy to get away from the rock and roll dream that many of us still harbor in our subconscious.

Let’s look at what the “heart of worship” has become:

Step through the lobby of most churches of size and into a typical worship set and you will find rock music, rock lighting, rock sound systems, rock fans in our pews, rock clothing, rock personas, rock anthems, rock bands and even rock stage effects. I mean, it may be a church, but with relatively little effort, those of us on the “stage” can actually live the rock and roll dream, more or less, in our very own churches! I know. I’ve done my small part to keep this status quo moving along. I confess, I’ve had to pinch myself from time to time while playing “on stage” as the realization dawned on me that we were living the “dream” on that stage! The congregation loves us, the hall is packed, the music is wonderful and fun to play (and loud to boot). Even some of the music we choose has little substance for worship purposes, but we can’t help ourselves! It’s just too FUN to play this song, with this band, for this “audience”- to pass it up. I mean c’mon, we’re only going to put one of these rocking cool songs in the set that’s fun to perform. One every week won’t hurt. Just one. Well, maybe two at the most. I mean, the first song is a “throw away” song anyway, right? The audiences love these wake up songs just as much as we do! They look pretty attentive to me! Maybe they’re not really worshiping God in Spirit and Truth, but we’ve gone to wits end to make the whole place erupt with worship and although it doesn’t exactly feel the same as at the worship conferences, at least they’re enjoying the music! They tell us all the time –“great music today! Great worship, guys.!” We’re happy, the pastor is happy, the audience (hmmm...why do I keep calling them the “audience”?) is happy. It’s a win, win, win, right? If we put our heart into it God can do His thing no matter how bad our efforts are, right? Even if, deep, down inside we have to admit that many times we’re simply indulging ourselves and covering it up with a myriad of rationalizations, God can work through our sin, right? I don’t see God’s name on my paycheck, anyway!

But then we find ourselves, eventually- dismayed that we can’t get the parishioners to go crazy for God. We’ve done everything we can to replicate the world’s success in here with our music and technology. But, as frustrating as this is, we do seem to be keeping attendance at a steady level over the years, and the collections are (hopefully) there. Sure, we lose a musician from time to time, but usually someone else steps up eventually. No one is complaining too much. We’re having fun. And the pastor doesn’t question the substance of our worship. So, if it ain’t broke, why should we fix it?

Well, that’s another good question, to be sure. And here are some more challenging questions to consider:

-If we are truly attempting to stir up the Holy Spirit in our church, just what does it take to create the best atmosphere conducive to experiencing the presence of the Holy Spirit, and should we look to the world for the answer?

-Do we really think these matters are important in the first place? Just how important? Important enough to start digging in our spiritual pantries for answers?

-And just where do we go for answers? The world can show us how to put on a good show, but if we want to move away from that trap, who is going to show us the way?

I want to explore this more in part 2...

When Our Dreams Push God Aside

God’s bigger picture...

I remember when the choir teacher passed out the different singing parts and we started to break them down and rehearse them. The song was “I’ll be home for Christmas” and I was singing bass. When the director got around to the basses and played the part we would be singing I was perplexed. (“This doesn’t sound like the song!”) In fact, I observed, neither did the alto and soprano part. We were all singing a strange form of the melody and putting words in odd places in the phrase. It just didn’t sound right. I was a little frustrated, because I always wanted to sing beautiful melodies. I wanted to sing songs like the singers I heard on the radio. I fancied myself a pretty good vocalist and now, I was having to sing these strange parts of this perfectly good song.

I can’t help but think this is often the low elevation way we regard our world and our individual part in it. At a young age we start to get an idea of what we’d like to be or do in this world and our dreams are seldom modest in scope. Little do we know that not only is life going to sidetrack us and throw obstacles in our way, but it will turn out to be something totally different than we expected. And it’s a rare thing to end up playing a part as grand as our youthful vision had in mind.

As it turned out, when at last our choir teacher had rehearsed all the different parts of the song with the different sections, and we all put it together, the combination sounded wonderful. The harmonies blended into a whole that none of us envisioned when we started out. The experience of adding your part to a whole and creating something beautiful, complicated and worthy is humbling and exhilarating.

God is like a brilliant composer. He has a great and lengthy vision for this world and our lives and parts in it. Only He can see past the horizon to what lies ahead. You can see this in the relationship between what we call the Old Testament and the New Testament. We are like ants in Time Square dreaming huge dreams of conquest. If we would just teach ourselves to quiet our world and listen to the Spirit and allow ourselves to be led by Him, we might find our small part fills a great need in the greater picture. Our culture tells us that we can be whatever we set our hearts and minds to. That sounds wonderful at first. But in the process of “dreaming” if we ignore God and turn our backs on His design and great plan, we risk working against Him. Indeed, most of the problems we face in this world are a result of us trying to blaze our own trail instead of seeking God’s direction. We are then as sheep who ignore our shepherd and leave the fields to find our own way. That can be frustrating at best and deadly at worst.  

Only in God is my soul at rest. Ps 62

Depression: How did I get here?

So, how do we get depressed?

Here are a couple of things I believe that are important to remember in this discussion:

First:

-Everything is Spiritual

Second:

-God is ultimately in control of universe management (although I don’t believe that God always micromanages things)

The first point helps me to remember that there are spiritual causes for our depression and of course, spiritual answers.

The second point helps me to remember that I cannot control myself or my environment beyond that which God allows me to. And at times, I question whether I do a good job controlling the things that God gives me control over.

I know that some would say that when I am depressed that I am under spiritual attack. I don’t dispute this. However, keeping in mind that God is in control, I must entertain the possibility that God could be allowing me to be attacked for some ultimate purpose.

Now, I realize that is not something you hear a Christian say everyday.

To clarify, I believe that God could actually be allowing my enemies to run roughshod over me for a time in order to generate a spiritual response from me that will eventually free me from depression and allow me to gain spiritual knowledge that will make me stronger, wiser and more resilient in the future.

Most depressed Christians, or even those who aren’t looking at their condition from a spiritual standpoint, eventually ask the question “why am I here?” I don’t believe that question should be rhetorical. I believe we must open our hearts, fall to our knees and ask God this same question, expecting an answer. Because God knows why you here. He may even have allowed it to happen because He wants you to know something about Him. Or you.

So, back to my own question “Why am I here?”

At this time I am considering that there is a strong possibility I am here because I have some focus issues and some habit issues. Focus issues as in To Much Focus On Dan. And habit issues as Need To Get Rid Of “Some” and Adopt “Others.”

Pardon me if this sounds a little arrogant, but I believe God is giving me an opportunity to get a deeper glimpse into His nature. I’m not sure what this means as far as the Christian world immediately around me, but I’m pretty sure I’m figuring out what this glimpse means to me personally. I certainly feel like I’m tossing out some Spiritual concepts and replacing them with more accurate ones. Allow me some mistakes -I’m still processing this whole episode as I continue to crawl out of this swamp. It is my heart’s desire that whatever pain I was in, that it can someday be useful for God and for God’s people.

Soon, I’d like to add one more installment to this blog discussion and in it I would like to talk about what people have done to help me when I was depressed and what people have done or said that wasn’t, well, exactly…….…helpful.

It should be pointed out that I am not an expert on depression. If you are really in a deep, dark place, you may need counseling or medical intervention. Keep your pastor’s and your doctor’s phone number nearby. God bless.

Depression

I got really depressed last week.

I know that depression is one of those taboo subjects in some Christian circles, because we’re not supposed to have those issues if we do all the right “Christian things”.

Bull.

We’re broken, we’re human and we aren’t perfect. We need God and we mess up things. I would think you’d need to be pretty insulated to avoid any kind of depression.

I’m not naïve. And I’m not without experience in this world. I’ve been inside my head and heart many times and I’m pretty good at figuring out what is wrong with me when something isn’t working the way it should. But this bout with the “dark night of the soul” threw me for a loop. I was back to looking up to the sky and asking “what in the world?”

It’s been over a week of being in the dumps, but today the darkness began to lift a bit. I’m starting to understand what has to happen in order to tolerate these bouts with melancholy. And of course, it’s good news and bad news.

Many people, including myself like to pray that God “transforms” them. We like to sing about God being “all we need” and “everything to me”. There’s a popular new worship song that sings about God being “All to us”. It’s a great song and I love to sing it. But I’m beginning to realize that all this talk is not much more than talk for a lot of us. We pray that God can have “all that we have” or “all of us”, but sometimes it seems like we really have no idea of what that actually looks like. And most of us don’t really want to know.

I think that God is trying to show me. I mean, this is not “My burden is light”, time. This is “take up your cross and follow Me” time. Despite the former, if you want the latter, it simply won’t be easy.

Luke 12:48…..”From everyone who has been given much, much will be required, and from the one who has been entrusted with much, even more will be asked.”

I have asked for more. To go farther and deeper with Him. And at times it seems as if Jesus’ response is “Truly? You really want more? Really? You ask much, and therefore, much will be asked of you. In truth, you don’t know what you are asking. But I will try to show what life in my shadow is like.”

To be continued….