Depression

I got really depressed last week.

I know that depression is one of those taboo subjects in some Christian circles, because we’re not supposed to have those issues if we do all the right “Christian things”.

Bull.

We’re broken, we’re human and we aren’t perfect. We need God and we mess up things. I would think you’d need to be pretty insulated to avoid any kind of depression.

I’m not naïve. And I’m not without experience in this world. I’ve been inside my head and heart many times and I’m pretty good at figuring out what is wrong with me when something isn’t working the way it should. But this bout with the “dark night of the soul” threw me for a loop. I was back to looking up to the sky and asking “what in the world?”

It’s been over a week of being in the dumps, but today the darkness began to lift a bit. I’m starting to understand what has to happen in order to tolerate these bouts with melancholy. And of course, it’s good news and bad news.

Many people, including myself like to pray that God “transforms” them. We like to sing about God being “all we need” and “everything to me”. There’s a popular new worship song that sings about God being “All to us”. It’s a great song and I love to sing it. But I’m beginning to realize that all this talk is not much more than talk for a lot of us. We pray that God can have “all that we have” or “all of us”, but sometimes it seems like we really have no idea of what that actually looks like. And most of us don’t really want to know.

I think that God is trying to show me. I mean, this is not “My burden is light”, time. This is “take up your cross and follow Me” time. Despite the former, if you want the latter, it simply won’t be easy.

Luke 12:48…..”From everyone who has been given much, much will be required, and from the one who has been entrusted with much, even more will be asked.”

I have asked for more. To go farther and deeper with Him. And at times it seems as if Jesus’ response is “Truly? You really want more? Really? You ask much, and therefore, much will be asked of you. In truth, you don’t know what you are asking. But I will try to show what life in my shadow is like.”

To be continued….